How To Prepare Yourself For a 5 Day Vacation Without any Lacrosse

Hello fellow Laxers!

So it all began roughly two or three months ago when my neighbor's the Tillers,(name changed), were sadly moving, because of business affairs, to New Jersey. Once we found out we immediately planned on staying a week later in the summer to go down and visit with our other neighbors the bates(name changed).

Now lets fast-forward to exactly one week before i began my long and struggling journey without the sport that changed my life.......

The passage below exploits ideas thought of by
professional lacrosse players and readers are
encouraged not to follow any advice given unless
you are completely committed to the sport of
lacrosse and will love it forever till death
do you part.

Step One:
This step we really advocating the idea that it needs to be started exactly one week prior to the departing of your journey. The idea is to play as much lacrosse as possibly possible (yes possibly possible is grammatically correct i double checked). The reason for this is because you just simply need to spend as much with the sport as physically, and mentally, possible. Here's a good metaphor for it-Lacrosse is your girlfriend and you are going to leave her for a long time so before you go you want spend as much time with her before you go.
Right?

Step Two:
So in between you getting your touches in before the great departure you need to collect as many memorable pictures of you laxing it up with your fellow bro's as possible. You can pack Lacrosse magazines, lacrosse figurines, basically any sort of lacrosse memorabilia that you can get your hands on.

Going back to the girlfriend metaphor, if you were going on a long trip without her, you would, at the very least, keep a picture of her in your wallet. So don't feel afraid to keep a picture of you holding your pride and joy (Lacrosse stick) in you wallet. Or you can have one of those nifty unfolding scrap books with a abundant amount of cherishing romantic times with your precious. Here is a the picture i keep in my wallet:


As you can see i have a picture of my girlfriend and my love that i put before my girlfriend, my baby. Therefore i can kill two birds with one stone and maintain much more wallet space, for coupons!


Step Three:
The day prior to your departure you need to be mentally prepared for the valiant 5 day quest you are about to embark on. This involves hours of meditation and pondering and only the wisest can obtain full concentration of the obstacles ahead of him.

Step Four:

Other items that you can pack are coupons for tortadas at taco bell on the count of its the closest thing to a sandwich. Then have your girlfriend make you as many sandwich's as you can pack for the ride down. Then have her mail you more every other day. A perfect example of the lacrosse diet sandwich is this:

-This is the exact same platters of sandwichs one of my other girlfriends have made before i left on vacation

Following these steps will help you survive a five day vacation without lacrosse if folllowed correctly. Thanks for reading our blog!

With love,
Nick, and Tim

Dating Advice From Tim and Nick

Several weeks ago, I (Tim) was playing paintball with my brother. While playing, we ran into a friend of ours named Marissa (named changed). She's a very nice girl, very friendly, likeable, and a winter cheerleader and field hockey player at a neighboring school. We struck up a conversation which would lead me to think about and consider an idea that I had always known to be true...

While Marissa is a very lovely woman, we think that in the area of guys, she deserves much better. Her standards need to be much higher. I asked her if she was still dating that kid. His name was Loser (name changed). (hehehehe). She told me she was. I responded by making a face. When she asked me why, I responded decsisively, "Loser is a baseball player," Figuring this would end the debate. She responded with the question, "What's wrong with that?"

That question would prove to be the easiest and hardest question I would ever answer...

I kind of gave her a blank stare. I didn't think I would really have to explain myself. I assumed that it was just common sense. She told me that Loser said the same thing, and "Lacrosse players think their better than us." I responded by saying that this was completely ridiculous. We know we're better than them. I asked her if he was a nice guy, she responded with, "Yeah, do you think I would date a jerk?" I had a few comments about her last boyfriend, but I will save this until later. The bottomline is, the idea that she believes that he can be both a baseball player, and a nice guy, is a complete oxymoron.

To most of us laxers, the idea that girls we like and respect should date lacrosse players just seems like common sense. But to others, this is not the case. This is why we are writing this post. So here it is ladies, this list, is the best dating advice you will recieve. EVER.

Why All Chicks Should Date Lacrosse Players

Reason #1- We Work Harder

Lacrosse is just a more physically demanding sport. It's debateable whether either takes more "skill" (but I think we all know which one does), but it's pretty obvious that it takes more agility, strength, speed, endurance, and coordination to play lacrosse. It takes more work to condition for lacrosse than most other sports, definitely all spring sports. I also see more lacrosse players training during the offseason, whether its weight training or skills training (For example: wallball) than any other sport. During the game, our periods of concentration and physical activiy last longer than baseball's. A fielding play requires maybe a few seconds of physical movement, and an at-bat (which only happens to each person 3-4 times a game) is the longest stretch of activity for baseball players. Going head to head in a ground ball scrum requires more work ethic, physical conditioning, strength, and hustle than anything in almost any sport I know (especially baseball).

Reason #2- We're Better Looking

First, take a look at the raging fliggity flow of Grant Catalino


Now take a look at this guy


Compare and decide for yourself

Reason #3- Lacrosse is More Exciting

When you come to your boyfriends game, do you want to watch an hour-long game filled with speed and excitement, or a 2-hour-long boredom marathon? Seriously, lacrosse is just more exciting, and much more interesting to watch. I am not making it up when I say that I know parents who got their kids into lacrosse so they wouldn't have to sit through baseball games. (True Story).

Overall, you'll find that we're just friendlier, more likeable people. Remember my comment about another one of Marissa's boyfriends? Let me tell you a story. I was hanging out with a group of friends, when I decided to call Marissa's boyfriend (I had never met him). Here is the call, without exaggeration:

Lame-O (name changed (he. he.)): Hello?
Tim: Hey Lame-O what's up?? I'm Tim, Marissa's friend!
Lame-O hangs up.

Bam. Do you know what sport Lame-O played? Basketball. In all my years of phoning up my lax bros, they have never hung up on me. EVER. I think that truly displays which athletes have more character.

BAM!

Microwave hopping

Hello fellow laxers

English teachers get a bad rap. My 9th grade English teacher for example, we'll call her Mrs. G, was infamous for assigning monstrous essays due the next day, just because she was in a bad mood (which was much more often than you would think). But today, we found ourselves requiring the assistance of our old Mrs. G. While in lunch, me and Nick decided to venture to our usual microwave location in Mrs. P's room to microwave some stuffed shells (Nick comments that they were absolutely delicious). But when we got there, we were astonished- Mrs. P was nowhere to be found! So we trekked onwards up the stairs to Mr. L's room, which also had a microwave. Once again, the teacher key to Nick enjoying his tasty Italian treat was nowhere to be found. So our brave heros travelled further, making a last resort attempt to salvage Nick's lunch. What we found would change our lives...forever.

We walked into Mrs. G's room. She was on the phone. Careful not to act in a way that would land me another 20 page essay (even though I'm not in Mrs. G's class anymore, I think it could happen), I politely asked if it would be okay if we used her microwave. Not only were we allowed to use a microwave, we were directed into a back room where we found a state-of-the-art, chrome microwave. It was so shiny, I could a reflection of my very own beautiful face. Nick dropped to his knees in astonishment and awe the second we walked into the room. It could be argued that it was the best microwaved meal ever enjoyed. And to think it came out of the kindness and genorosity of my once feared English 9H teacher.

Check back soon for our guide on why all girls should date a lacrosse player!!

-Tim and Nick